Send My Resignation To The Bride And The Groom...

6:09pm: link
www.livejournal.com/users/bulletsoflove

10:17pm: Change of plans....
New name bulletsoflove
Bry Guy

5:45pm: Quiz stolen from Craig
Basics:
[Name] Bryan
[Nickname] Bry Guy
[Screen name] zbleedingstarsz
[Sexual Preference] Experimental
[Marital Status] single
[Religion] Atheist
[Eye color] Blue
[Height] 5'10"
[Shoe size] 9 1/2 - 11 pending on the brand
[Parents still together] Nope
[Siblings] 1 sister
[Pets] No
[In school/graduated] In school
Favorites:
[Color] Black
[Number] 44
[Animal] Kitty
[Vehicle] Stoner bus
[Drinks] Any mixed drink
[Soda] Barq's Root Beer
[Book] Any Chuck Palunik
[Band] My Chemical Romance

Do you...
[Color your hair?] All the time
[Twirl your hair?] All the time
[Have tattoos?] No
[Have Piercings?] Gauged double zeros
[Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?] No
[Cheat on tests/homework?] Homework
[Drink/Smoke?] Mixed drinks/ occasionally
[Like roller coasters?] Yeah
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] Yes
[Like cleaning?] No
[Write in cursive or print?] Print
[Sweat a lot?] Yeah
[Own a web cam?] Yeah but don't have it installed yet
[Know how to drive?] Yeah
[Diet?] Occasionally
[Own a cell phone?] No
[Ever get off the damn computer?] Not really

Have you ever...
[Been in a fist fight?] Yes
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] Yes
[Stolen anything?] Yes
[Held a gun?] Yes
[Drank?] Yes
[Been so drunk you couldn't remember your name?] No
[Considered a life of crime?] Yeah
[Considered being a hooker?] For concert tickets
[Cheated on someone?] No
[Cried over a girl?] Yeah
[Cried over a boy?] Yeah
[Lied to someone?] Yeah
[Been in love?] Yeah
[Fallen for your best friend?] Yes
[Made out with JUST a friend?] No
[Been rejected?] Not in recent memory
[Been in lust?] No.
[Used someone?] Yeah
[Been used?] No
[Been cheated on?] Maybe...I think
[Been kissed?] Yes
[Experimented with homosexuality?] Duh

[Current mood] Talkative
[Current taste] Pizza
[Current hair] Emo-y
[Current thing I ought to be doing] Sleeping
[Current cds in stereo] Eminem - Encore, Poison the Well - The Opposite of December, Blink-182 - Blink-182, My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
[Current crush] Ashley Shields
[Current job] Unemployed

The last time...
[Last book you read] Diary
[Last movie you saw] The Grudge
[Last thing you ate] Pizza
[Last person you talked to on the phone] Michelle

Do you...
[Do drugs?] Yeah
[Have a dream that keeps coming back?] No
[Play an instrument?] No
[Believe there is life on other planets?] Yeah
[Remember your first love?] Yes
[Still love him/her?] No
[Read the newspaper?] Sale papers
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?] Don't think so
[Believe in miracles?] Yeah
[Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?] Yeah
[Believe in God?] -read the religious preference-
[Do well in school?] I guess
[Go to or plan to go to college] Yeah
[Wear hats?] My Hello Kitty hat
[Hate yourself?] Not right now
[Have an obsession?] Music
[Have a secret crush?] No
[Do they know yet?] My current crush does or should know
[Collect anything?] Cds
[Have a best friend?] No, I don't pick favourites
[Close friends?] Yes
[Like your handwriting?] Its okay
[Care about looks?] They matter to an extent

Love life
[First crush] Hell if I remember
[First kiss] Sara
[Single or attached?] Single
[Ever been in love?] Yeah
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] No
[Do you believe in "the one?"] Yeah
[Describe your ideal significant other] Someone who has an open mind, and doesn't care to be themselves no matter what people think

Juicy stuff...
[Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?] Yes.
[Are you a tease?] No
[Shy to make the first move?] Sometimes

Are you a...
[Wuss] Yes
[Druggy] Yes
[Daydreamer] Yes
[Freak] Yes
[Dork] Yes
[Bitch/Asshole] No
[Brat] No
[Sarcastic] Of course not why would that happen in a...world
[Angel] No
[Devil] No
[Shy] No
[Talkative] Very
[Flirty] No

1:32am: -puke noises- There I Go Thinking of You Again...
So I got 'Encore' today and it is sweet, I've known that for a while but I feel like ranting about it now. I feel so weird right now its hard to explain and I hate ranting about it because its all I seem to rant about. I don't know. I'm going to post lyrics to one of the best Eminem songs ever... Puke.
"Puke" - Eminem
-puking noises-

There I go--thinking of you again

You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fuckin' sick to my stomach
Every time I think of you, I puke
You must just not know--whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa
You may not think you do, but you do
Every time I think of you

I was gonna take the time to sit down and write you a little poem
But from of the dome would probably be a little more, more suitable for this type of song--whoa
I got a million reasons off the top of my head that I could think of
Sixteen bars, this ain't enough to put some ink ta
So fuck it, I'ma start right here by just be brief-a
Bout to rattle off some other reasons
I knew I shouldn't go and get another tattoo of you
On my arm, but what do I go and do
I go and get another one, now I got two
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
I'm sittin' here with your name on my skin
I can't believe I went and did this stupid shit again
My next girlfriend, now her name's gotta be Kim
Shi-ii-ii-ii-ii-ii-it
If you only knew how much I hated you
For every motherfuckin' thing you ever put us through
Then I wouldn't be standing here crying over you
Boo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-who

You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fuckin' sick to my stomach
Every time I think of you, I puke
You must just not know--whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa
You may not think you do, but you do
Every time I think of you

I was gonna take the time to sit down and write you a little letter
But I thought a song would probably be a little better
Instead of a letter
That you'd probably just shred up--yeah
I stumbled on your picture yesterday and it made me stop and think of
How much of a waste it'd be for me to put some ink ta, a stupid piece a
Paper, I'd rather let you see how
Much I fuckin' hate you in a freestyle
You're a fuckin' cokein' slut, I hope you fuckin' die
I hope you get to hell and Satan sticks a needle in your eye
I hate your fuckin' guts, you fuckin' slut, I hope you die
Di-ii-ii-ii-ii-ii-ie
But please don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter or mad
It's not that I still love you, it's not 'cause I want you back
It's just that when I think of you, it makes me wanna
gag-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-ag
What else can I do, I haven't got a clue
Now I guess I'll just move on, I have no choice but to
But every time I think of you now, I'll I wanna do
Is pu-uu-uu-uu-uu-uu-uke

You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fuckin' sick to my stomach
Every time I think of you, I puke
You must just not know--whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa
You may not think you do, but you do
Every time I think of you, I puke

Fuckin' bitch
_________________________
Yeah so whatever....
Over and out Connecticut,
Bry Guy

7:35pm: We'll Be Like Torches, We'll Be Like Torches Together...
So I haven't updated in awhile so I figured I'd post what is happening. So this girl who likes me, she will be called 'nameless', I start to like more and more each day as we talk. Tuesday after one of our classes she looked at me when I looked at her and she smiled the nicest smile I've ever seen. She seems really cool. I'm thinking that we might be dating in the near future which would be cool. There is a concert the 21st SoCo and Dashboard 20 bucks I just need a ride hopefully I'll get to go. I'm waiting for 'nameless' to get home so I can call her and talk to her. There really isn't much to update except that. Oh for anyone who seen Jay-Z versus Linkin Park I thought it was the hottness, I'm going to get the cd when I get the money. EMINEM RUSH RELEASE TOMORROW!!!!!! Well I'm out.
Bry Guy

7:58pm: All I Need To Know Is That I'm Something You'll Be Missing...
So I've been listening to Taking Back Sunday quite a bit lately, and I've realised how I can fit some of my relationships into part of their lyrics. It's really weird, like the Vanessa thing heres a lyric: "Maybe I should hate you for this/never really ever quite get that far..." I think it fits. Oh well. If you get the chance go see Taking Back Sunday live they are so great. Nothing new has really happend. I really want to hang out with a TON of people so if anyone else is down for that leave a comment and we'll make plans. Well I'mma bounce nigg.
Peace out,
Bry Guy

2:45am: Drop Everything Start It All Over Remember More Than You'd Like To Forget...
So tonight was the show. Here's the rundown:
Go to Venable's and put Rach's pics on his computer.
Go to Rach's house and wait for Trav.
Go to some other places before we head out.
Get to the concert right on time.
Here's a rundown of what happened AT the show:
I bought an Atreyu hoodie before the show started. Rach bought a TBS hoodie. Then the show started.
The Varsity - I thought they were horrible, the vocalist had no melody or timing what so ever and it sounded like shit. I respect them for trying though.
Funeral for a Friend - Went to the floor and found these two kids and started a pit. I "danced" and got punched in the face. Got no less than 5 feet from the band. They played "Your Revolution Is A Joke" because one of the guitars went dead. And they rocked ass.
Atreyu - Started off with "Bleeding Mascara" and me singing my head off. Didn't join a pit for them but they were so kick ass and they played every song I wanted them to play except "Dilated" They rocked some major ass.
TAKING BACK SUNDAY - Started off with "Set Phasers to Stun" like I thought they would. Stayed on the floor for about three of their songs and my intestines were getting crushed and I was dehydrated so I made my way to the back. I enter a pit before I leave and I fall and land right on my right thumb I couldn't move it for awhile. They played every song I wanted them to play AND MORE! They didn't do "Cute Without the 'E'" acoustic which I was kind of sad about but they did "New American Classic" so it was all good. Adam Lazzara is fucking Houdini of the microphone, he'll throw it 5 feet in front of him and in a second its back in his hand, no matter where he throws it to it always goes back to his hand flawlessly! I almost cryed during quite a few of their songs. Their lyrics remind me of some of my ex's whom I either hate or miss. It was all sweetness though. They were the motha fucking shiat!
This was the first concert I have been to without a girlfriend figure in about a year, it was weird to see other couples having a "romantic" time and it just felt awkward. But I enjoyed every second of it. Except for getting crushed that part sucked too. Oh for any of you fat people out there (no offense) DO NOT TRY TO CROWD SURF, LITTLE PEOPLE LIKE ME CAN'T HOLD YOUR FAT ASS UP SO DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well thats it. All in all tonight was one of the best nights I've had in a while.

9:14pm: Check this shit out.

You're "You Know How I Do", you're always
tired, upset or lying and you won't take
anyone's crap.


Which taking back sunday song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

8:53pm: TAKING BACK SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I GET TO SEE TAKING BACK SUNDAY TOMORROW WITH ATREYU FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND AND THE VARSITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so mother fucking happy I could cry. That is about all thats new in my world.
Peace out,
Bry Guy

9:48pm: Another pointless entry...
Yeah so my feelings haven't changed much since my last entry but I just felt like I would post some rantings and some My Chemical Romance lyrics because they are a sweet band.
______________________
"You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison"
In the middle of a gun fight...
In the center of a restaurant...
They say, "Come with your arms raised high!"
Well, they're never gonna get me,
And like a bullet through a flock of doves...
To wage this war against your faith in me,
Your life...will never be the same.
On your mother's eyes, say a prayer...say a prayer!

Now, but I can't
And I don't know
How we're just two men as God had made us,
Well, I can't...well, I can!
Too much, too late, or just not enough of this
Pain in my heart for your dying wish,
I'll kiss your lips again.

They all cheat at cards and the checkers are lost,
My cellmate's a killer, they made me do push-ups (in drag)
But nobody cares if you're losing yourself...am I losing myself?!
Well, I miss my mom,
Will they give me the chair,
Or lethal injection, or swing from a rope if you dare;
Ah, nobody knows...all the trouble I've seen!

To your room...
What they ask of you
Will make you want to say, "So long..."
Well, I don't remember,
Why remember...YOU?!

Do you have the keys to the hotel?!
Cause' I'm gonna string this motherfucker on fire! (FIRE!!)

Life is but a dream for the dead,
And well I, I won't go down by myself,
But I'll go down with my friends.
Now now now now...now now now...now now now!!
___________________________________
If you get the chance buy their cd!
Bry Guy

6:56pm: ELECTION DAY IF ELIGIBLE ..... VOTE!
I don't care who you vote for just fucking vote. But this entry isn't about voting, it is supposed to be about how I feel. I hate posting how I feel because I don't want everyone to know. So I'm going to post my version of Bright Eyes lyrics...
_________________________________
"Waste of Paint"

I am made mostly of pain. I wake up, drive to work, and then straight back home again. I once cut one of my nightmares out of paper. I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover. And you tried to tell me I had a sense of color and composition so magnificent. And I said "Thank you, please but your flattery is truly not becoming me. Your eyes are poor. You are blind. You see, no beauty could have come from me. I am a waste of breath, of space, of time." I was dignified and true. My love for you was one of my many virtues. Until one day, I found out that you had lied and I decided the rest of my life, from that point on would be a lie.

But I was grateful for everything that had happened. And I was anxious for all that would come next. But then I wept. What did you expect? In that big, old house with the cars I kept. "Oh!" and "such is life," I often said. With one day leading me to the next, you get a little closer to your death, which was fine with me. I never got upset and with all the days I may have left, I would never clean another mess or fold your shirts or look my best. I was free to waste away alone. Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove. And this cop pulled him off to the side of the road.

And he said, "Officer! Officer! You got the wrong man. No, no, I'm a student of medicine, the son of a banker, you don't understand!" The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful. And you carelessness, it is something awful. And no, I can't just let you go. And though your father's name is known, your decisions now are yours alone. You are nothing but a stepping stone on a path to debt, to loss, to shame." The last few months I have been living with this couple. Yeah, you know, the kind that buy everything in doubles. They fit together, like a puzzle. I love their love and I am thankful that someone actually receives the prize that was promised by all those fairy tales that drugged us. And they still do me.

I'm sick, lonely, no laurel tree, just green envy. Will my number come up eventually? Like Love is some kind of lottery, where you scratch and see what is underneath. It's "Sorry", just one cherry, "Play Again." Get lucky. So I have been hanging out down by the train's depot. No, I don't ride. I just sit and watch the people there. They remind me of wind up cars in motion. The way they spin and turn and jockey for positions. And I want to scream out that it is all nonsense. And that their lives are one track, and can't they see how it is all pointless? But then, my knees give under me. My head feels weak and suddenly it is clear to see it is not them but me, who has lost my self-identity.

As I hide behind these books I read, while scribbling my poetry, like art could save a wretch like me, with some ideal ideology that no one can hope to achieve. And I am never real; it is just a sketch in me. And everything I made is trite and cheap and a waste of paint, of tape, of time. So now I park my car down by the cathedral, where the floodlights point up at the steeples. Choir practice was filling up with people. I hear the sound escaping as an echo. Sloping off the ceiling at an angle. When the voices blend they sound like angels. I hope theres some room still in the middle. But when I lift my voice up now to reach them. The range is too high, way up in heaven. So I hold my tongue, forget the song, tie my shoe and start walking off. And try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart and my absent God and I have no faith but it is all I want, to be loved and believe in my soul.
_______________________________
Yeah that kind of sums up how I'm feeling.
Bry Guy

12:36am: New song...
So I wrote a new song the other day check it out and tell me what you think.
"The Last Time I Saw You"
Gazing into your eyes as I set you on fire,
Haunted me for nights.
Knowing I lost you by my own hand,
Was unbearable.
Seeing the fire dance up your body,
It turned me on.
The fire really brings out the blue in your eyes.
Whispering empty thoughts into your ear,
You said that you will never remove my name from the
Place in your heart.
Seeing the fire move to your lips
I snuck my last kiss.
I told you how I really felt.
I love you and always will.
_______________________________
Its a bit shorter but hey oh well.

Bry Guy.

12:02am: This is all your fault...This is all my fault...
Well tonight was the show. It was sweet for the most part. Heres the rundown:
Got there for the pre-party.
Hung out while Heartstep Down set up.
Watched Heartstep Down.
Hung out while Vanity set up.
Became a casualty of war durning Vanity.
Hung out before Coraline.
Thrashed/Slam Danced/Moshed... whatever the new term is, to Coraline.
Fractured my elbow.
Talked to Craig and Andy about a band which I think I'm going to be the vocalist for, then name is "EightyFour EightySix" there is a story but I can't reveal it.
Thats what happend before I became moody.
The afterness of the moodiness -insert doomical music here-:
I'm going to be open and honest something I don't do in my journal.
Lj and Vanessa are going out and I'm completely fine with it. Well while Coraline was taking a break I seen Lj and 'Nessa making out, and it felt like someone took a knife to my heart and stabbed and twisted and then ripped it out and stepped on it until there was nothing but powder. So I started liking Tori come to find out her and Rob are something, which is also cool. I just realise that no matter what I do I'll never have a girlfriend that I just don't know. Then I seen Rob and Tori behind Charlie's and I sat down near some building and just started crying, Rob and Tori tryed to comfort me, it worked a little. I just can't find someone who likes me for me and wants a relationship. Sorry for ranting but if you don't want to hear it fuck you. I just really don't know what to do anymore. I can't stand seeing Lj hold Vanessa, I mean I'm glad they are happy but it crushes me every time I guess I'll just have to get over that. But yeah until next time.
Peace love and empathy, or the way I feel do whatever makes you happy even if its suicide,
Bry Guy

9:34pm: A Diamond in the Rough...
Well last night was the official reunitation, yes I made that up, of DEAD CELL. That's right Lj, Aaron, Mykk, and I all hung out together yesterday, it was so sweet. Saw Eminem's new video last night, "Mosh" not "Just Lose It", it is so mother fucking cool. TOMORROW IS THE SHOW BITCHES!!!! If you don't know about it there are 3 bands its FREE punch and pie, go to Charlie's Coffee Bar at like 7:45 and I'll meet you there and then you will be ready to Rock and Roll. So I'm watching one of the greatest Disney movies ever made..."Aladdin", that's right I said it. So I get to sing during "Bullets For Betty" with Trav, I'm so pumped, me and Trav are going to get all the ladies, fellas watch yo' bitch. Well I'm going to download Em's new vid and watch "Aladdin" peace Niggs.

I'll see you on the flip-side,
Bry Guy

5:25pm: I am Jack's broken heart...
So my mom's boyfriend tells me I have to get rid of my matress because it has a pentagram on it, something I haven't been into for years, and it has to come off the property. So I kind of have to sleep on my floor now, but I decided to try to put some pent up anger, aimed at nothing in particular just everything combined, into some lyrics and I've come up with two songs that I really like. One is mixed feelings towards Vanessa and some recent feelings towards Danielle, it is titled "Fire is First on Your List"
"Fire is First on Your List"
Seeing you with him set a fire in my mind
I couldn't think, I was clouded
just like the sky.
I formulated one single thought;
The thought of you sliting my throat
with the knife you pulled from my back.
My heart is filled wih love,
but equally filled with hate,
hate I want to bury you with.
Pull the knife from my back and
slit my throat.
Do it so you:
Like it,
Love it,
Loathe it.
Wrap my hands around your heart,
pull you close for this last kiss.
A kiss filled with a poison
called, love.
Love I want to give you,
love you won't accept.
So please slit my throat,
do it quickly
I can't stand to see your smile.
My last three words are...
Don't Forget Me
________________________________

Thats that one. The other one is entitled "Lifeless Suicide."
"Lifeless Suicide"
My mind is spinning around all the thoughts of us.
Thoughts of you,
And how they'll never come true.
Forever I dreamt of what could be.
I just need you in my life
Not in my dreams.
You tear me apart, you light my heart...
On fire.
Revenge is sweet just like a birthday cake,
Sweet and never as good as you expected.
My heart longs for you,
my mind wants to erase you.
Forever I have missed you,
I feel obliged to smash you heart,
like you did mine.
My mind is swirling around the thought of
Your knife to my chest,
Carving your name over my broken heart.
I'm sorry for my failure,
I'm only human.
My mind is twisting thoughts of suicide,
take the blade to my wrist and drag it slow.
Ripping apart these broken remains,
You left lifeless on the floor
_____________________________
Thats them. Comment if you would please.
Peace,
Bry Guy

9:42pm: If you're a smart kid then stay the hell away from love
Well me and Melody are having just a random conversation about stupid stuff then the whole job thing gets mentioned. I can't help but think how much money has poisoned the entire human race. Almost everything is driven by money; murder- to get more money, marketing- to get people to buy your useless shit. Its amazing how just about everyone makes money their god. Its so much bullshit.

1:13pm: How can I ever stop you from crushing my heart? It was yours to begin with.
So I feel like shit. Not only because I'm sick as hell, the main reason is because I want to be with Vanessa and she doesn't want to be with me. I have never felt so compassionate towards another human being. Her voice can make anything seem like gold. I can't help but smile at the sound of her voice and the way she smiles at me when we are laying next to each other. Then she told me that some day I would make some girl very happy, but the only person I want to make happy is her. I just wish that she would realise how much I care for her, I would do anything for her. I just want to lay with her forever and never get up. She is my everything and then everyone is like find someone else. I don't want to find someone else, I want Vanessa. But who knows, I'm ranting my apologies.
As for me being sick; I woke up at 2 o' clock this morning and had a temperature of 102.6, I feel so horrible. My throat is sore like a mother bitch, my head is spinning and I feel dizzy. I started sweated profusely earlier today. I hate life, I just wish that: A)I could die B)Go away for a long time and not come back 'til I'm 25. I just can't stand feeling like this.
FUCK OFF
Bry Guy

5:49pm: Reality or Dream?
Lately I've been feeling awkward; I've been having dreams that seem like reality and reality that seem like dreams. For instance Saturday me and Rob were laying in Vanessa's front room and he went to the bathroom and I remember him sitting down then I thought we had a converstaion and when I asked him he said he was asleep. Then last night I had a dream, and my sister told me that Danielle wanted to get back together with me so I called her and she said she did want to get back with me and then I told her that no matter what she said or did I wasn't going to get back with her. Then I had ANOTHER reality dream that I was talking to Vanessa on the phone and we went to hang up and she said "I love you", but it was set up like when we actually got off the phone earlier that night. So it has been a very wierd week. I feel confused in my aspects of life and just confused in general. If you are Lj, Rachel, or Vanessa you know what about. Well I'm out.

Peace,
Bry Guy

1:52am: This All Was Only Wishful Thinking Let Go...
Well today was okay. I went to Dale's after school and played "Mortal kombat: Deception" with Alex, Trav, Dale, and Aaron. Then I went to practice with Alex, Trav and D to learn Trav's lines but he forgot to tell me, so we went back to Dale's to play some more MK and call Aaron and Corrine. We went to Hastings and Dale found a really cool Hendrix shirt for two bucks but we is some po' ass niggas so we couldn't buy it. Then we stopped by Rachel's house and brought her Cappacino. THen I came home and talked to Rachel online then she called me and we had the greatest converstation I've ever had with anyone, we just ranted about what we think of society and things like that, but we never get into a heated argument which is so great. Rachel is seriously like the only person I know I can tell anything and she won't say anything, she is like my best friend, I heart Rachel to death.
The bad thing that happend today is that me and Vanessa sort of broke up. She said she wanted to be more than a friend but she didn't want a long distance relationship, which is understandable, but I was just confused as to wether she just wants a physical relationship or not, because I really like her, like to the point of love. Hopefully I can make it into Oxford tomorrow and we can talk about it. I just have no luck with relationships, well thats it for today.

Peace niggs,
Bry Guy

11:29pm: October Nights....A Vampire's Lament
This is the best time of the year, OCTOBER!!! I fucking heart October mainly because of the great holiday of... ALL HOLLOW'S EVE!!!! It makes me feel so warm and gooey inside. It also makes me think of VAMPIRES and wierd disturbing thoughts and images, it doesn't neccessarily make me think about depressing things but more along the lines of dark mysterious things. I love being able to sit in the dark with one candle lit as I watch "Sleepy Hollow" or "Nightmare Before X-Mas" I love Halloween movies the most. The weather also makes me feel like there is a fire under my heart: it's not too hot and it's not too cold, it is the most perfect mothafucking weatha' nigga. At the end of this rant I think I shall give you guys the pleasure of a story. The sunset in October is so beautiful, the only thing that can compare to the beauty of an October sunset is the HARVEST MOON. I call it the HALLOWEEN MOON, because its big and orange and it looks like you could carve a Jack O' Lantern face into it. The only bad thing about this time of year is the fact that Winter is on its way. I like Winter it's a very romantic time as well, but I think this Winter will be a horrid one, because of our weather extremes, it'll be really hot one minute and really cold the next, meaning Winter is going to kick our ass; but hey I'll deal with it. Well it's time for my HALLOWEEN story read IF YOU DARE MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
______________________________________

"A Vampire's Autobiography" by: Bry Guy

It was about 1839 when my maker decided to take my human life from me. He was a French nobleman, most handsome and elegant. He caught me on the night I stopped in New Orleans for a drink on my way down into South America, he saw me come out of the tavern with a drink in my hand. I noticed someone following me but I wasn't all that worried, I had no money so I knew if it was a mugger I wasn't losing anything. I got near the docks and I was taken off my feet, I blacked out. When I awoke I was at this magnificient plantation equiped with grapes and wine. I tried to move but I was too weak, my neck has a nice chunk missing. "Welcome", said my maker, "you may feel dizzy at first but then your body will die."
"Wha..what do you mean my body will die? What have you done to me?" I could barely reply because the gash in my neck was so painful.
"Lay, don't speak it will hurt you too much. Just lay there and wait, it will hurt at first but then you will feel nothing." The next thing I remember was feeling my insides trying to force their way out of my body. My heart beat kept getting slower and slower then, it stopped, the pain in my insides, stopped. Was I dead? Is this the afterlife? "You have completed the transformation rather well, most of us don't transform nearly as fast as you did."
"What have you done to me? Why do I feel dead?" I said with the utmost curiosity.
"You are dead and will stay dead forever." my maker seemed to know the answer to all my questions.
"Wha...how...I don't understand." I was so confused.
"I have made you immortal, you are the undead, you are a vampire. You must feed off the blood of the living, if not then you will wither away and die." My maker made this seem so natural. I was so spooked by this I tryed to run but before I got half way to the door he was in front of it. "How did you do that?" I asked.
"I can show you. You have the ability."
"Teach me, I want to know everything that you know."
"In time my son, in time." My maker was enthused by my excitment to learn all about the world and the unknown. Within a 20 year period I knew everything he did and then gained my own knowledge. I was so amazed by the power that I had. The only problem was that no mortal being could ever see me, I was supposed to be dead to the world, I couldn't believe this. I was pissed to say the least. I stayed in our plantation and just painted I painted the most wicked portraits that any immortal has ever thought of. When I decided to leave my confines my maker left, but he gave me a note that explained where he went:
Adrien,
I have no interest in these times. The revolution has changed many things and I don't want to be a part of it. You can stay here if you wish but I have entered my sleep for some hundred or so year.
Sincerely,
Pierre
I was lost without my maker, I felt so inferior to every other vampire. My worst fear was being alone and now it has came true. The one thing my maker never tought me was how to enter such a sleep, the one lesson that I will always remember is that in immortality you are always alone, it is not meant to be spent with someone you love and cherish. I picked out a nice empty grave in an abandoned cemetary and climbed in and entered my slumber only to awake two-hundred years later....
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Thats what I have now. I hope you enjoy. Oh and for the record my last post isn't about me wanting to kill myself I was just wanting to write something depressing to see if I still had my depressive side to me. Tune in next time same Bat-Place same Bat-Story same Bat-Journal.

Peace,
Bry Guy

8:10pm: Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman
I feel really depressed about a bunch of shit, mainly going on with my mom, so I decided to write the ending of a suicide story.
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SUICIDE

Jack feels like he can't do anything right. His mom tells him how he's fucked up and it's all his fault, his father is nothing but a drunk that likes to scream at him about how evil Jack is. Jack is really a nice easy going guy; he loves his girlfriend more than he loves anyone else but she can't seem to appreciate that so she broke up with him. Jack feels so alone and nothing, not even God, if there is one, can stop him from his plans...
Jack's parents were going out of town this weekend and he knew his dad kept an antique shotgun with shells in a case in his garage. Jack decides to go out to the garage and get the gun; Jack didn't just want to blow his brains out in his dad's garage, he wanted to at least have someone remember the unorthodox way of his death. Jack thought and thought and came up with the perfect plan....
Jack took a saw and sawed away at the barrel of the gun for 3 hours, and finally got it compact enough he could stash it in his backpack. Jack grabs his bag and head to store where his girlfriend works; he knows she is the only one working tonight. He walks in the store grabs some clothes and walks into the dressing room. His ex knocks on the door "Jack, you know you can't have a backpack in here."
"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that you were so heartless."
"Jack, come on you're being irrational."
"No, you were irrational. You could have talked to me about me pushing love on you." Jack is just waiting for her to open the door.
"Jack, I'm going to have to take your bag until you get ready to leave."
Jack removing the gun barrel from his mouth replies, "While you're at it take my heart and keep it until you get ready to love me." Jack sticks the gun barrel in its respectable position.
"Fine." she says as she opens the door. "OH MY GOD JACK WHAT ARE YOU".... It was too late by that point Jack had pulled the trigger and his brain stem was on the wall behind him; his ex was splattered with his blood, and in his hand he held a knife with a note attached, it read:
Take this knife to my heart and then to my wrists and be sure to tell everyone how much of a fuck up I am.
To a world that never appreciated shit,
Jack

9:50pm: The smoke and mirrors...
This is just a rant not really a purpose but I feel like ranting about nothing in general.
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WOULD YOU LIKE THIS BABY?!?!?! WOULD YOU LIKE THIS BABY?!?!?!?!
How would you like it if I grabbed your throat and never let it go? How would you like it if I ripped out your heart and just swallowed that motherfucker whole? Your fucking life is a joke, you'd end it right now but you don't have the spine. This is an internal war with your heart and your mind, and your heart is losing. My heart isn't broken anymore, but yours is shattered on my bedroom floor and I LOVE IT! When the sun sets I'll be outside your window looking in on you as you sleep, and in your dreams I will see how bad you miss me and how much I don't care. Take my knife from your back and lick the blood from the blade as you drown your eyes. Blood filled up to my heart and I can bleed without you, blood up to my eyes and I can see without you. The irony in this is how much you said you loved me and how much I lied. TAKE A GUN CALLED HATE UP AGAINST YOUR HEART AND PULL THE TRIGGER...COME JUST SHOOT MOTHERFUCKER!!! I'll take your shattered heart and place it in a jar on my shelf. I'll rape your shattered heart and set it on fire. Your heart burns beautiful against the evening sky. My hands are covered in the blood that soaked through your shirt when I broke your heart. I couldn't help but step on your ego as you were writhing in pain on my floor. The red poison of my eyes took you off your feet and opened your chest. The red posion of my lips made you weep. The black and white photograph of us is currently wrapped in flames. When I kiss you my mouth is filled with HATE. The beauty that shone from your eyes looks good next to your heart on my shelf. I'll take your lungs and drown them in the blood that spilled from your throat. I broke your hands and your heart and let you fall. You want to snap my neck in two. Show the place in your chest where your heart used to beat, and I'll replace your heart with gasoline and a match. My smile is the rope that hangs around your neck as you prepare to jump. Isn't it amazing how I can send the impression of a lover when I'm really a liar? When I spill gasoline on your bedroom floor and bursts your heart into flames I'll turn off every light because you look so beautiful blanketed in flames. You'd rather die than see my smile. I broke in your room and slit your wrists with the glass because YOU'RE WORTH MORE DEAD!!! I wrote you a message in your blood on your walls it read: You know you love me and you can't stand it.
The lie is that I never loved you in the first place. Isn't it funny how love can be mistaken for hate for so many months. Cross out my eyes in all the pictures of us, cross out the memories in your mind. I told you anything to keep you breathing. As blue burns orange against this blood red sky, the only thing missing is a perfect suicide. I GOT AN 'F' AND A 'C' AND I GOT A 'K' TOO THE ONLY THING MISSING IS A BITCH LIKE U!!! I told all your friends that I've got my gun up against your heart and I blew it out the back of your chest. I smoked out in the back of my van before I went into your house and set the fucker ablaze. I'm such a magnificient liar, can't you tell? You can barely smile. You can barely breathe. I'll leave the lights off so you know I still hate you. You want to hate me so bad but you can't. YOUR GOD IS NOT EXISTANT!!!! YOUR GOD IS NOTHING!!!! I've got this special talent of keeping you on the edge of your seat. You're miserable and I'm just getting started. You can't decide wether you want to die or live in misery, if I was you I'd pick death but you don't have the BALLS! You said "FUCK YOU FOR KILLING ME!!!" I said "I ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!!" Your demise was so carefully constructed and I got just what I wanted. Here we are face to face looking eye to eye; your eyes turn blue with sorrow and my eyes turn red with rage. This long night will cause a fist fight between your pillows and my pearly whites. You are weaker for letting me cause you all this pain and you return for more and more everytime. You look like a hypocrite when you wear your heart on your sleeve. I never noticed how pretty you were until your face was covered in blood.
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I'm done with the rant. Most of it is lyrics from different bands I was listening to at the time. -shrug- Oh well.

Peace Nigg
Bry Guy

6:01pm: Who Shot the Bullet?
I'm in love with this song so I thought I shall post the lyrics for you guys.
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Funeral for a Friend - "Bullet Theory"

Who shot the bullet
That killed the air tonight
Without a thought, without a reason
Take a gun called hate
Up against your heart
And pull the trigger

It's over, it's only over
It's only over when we say

The smoke and mirrors
The lies that wind your tongue
Is this oppression what we wanted or what we needed?
As we function on impatience
And our patience is wearing thin
And live a lie that will destroy us all

Back and to the left come on
And shoot motherfucker

You like this baby?
You want to dance a little longer?

8:15pm: Take this gun called hate up against your HEART...
Well I think my first story attempt failed but it was fun so I shall write another but this one will be darker and more of the inner Bryan.
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Chapter 1: The Past

Jimi was a normal kid in his mind; he was creative, smart, and a nice guy. The only problem with him was he looked like no one else in his school. He never had the fancy clothes his classmates did, his shoes were torn to shit and duct taped many times. He only had two outfits and they never got washed. Jimi's deep seeded problem lies in his childhood history.
When he was about five his mother and father got into an argument; this however wasn't out of the ordinary, but this time the argument elevated. Jimi could hear his father screaming something at his mother, but Jimi learned to tune this out and just keep playing with his Ninja Turtles. About a half hour later Jimi walks out of his room to find the T.V. broken, his mom on the floor, and the lamp next to her.
While Jimi was in his own Ninja Turtle world his mom and dad was arguing about a divorce, Jimi being five wouldn't have understood anyway. His mom wasn't happy and his dad didn't like what was going on; Jimi's father was a raging alcoholic, his mom had found some else and claimed she was happier. His dad punched the T.V. instead of his mother. His mom got pissed and picked up the lamp to hit Jimi's father with, but his dad grabbed it from her hand threw it on the ground and punched his mom on the side of the head right in the temple. His mom went to the hospital for four months to get better.
Dan, his mom's boyfriend, stayed the entire four months. His mom finally decided to move in with Dan. Jimi, being five, didn't want to move away from his friends and his room.
Well about a year goes by and Jimi has to start first grade without his old friends. Jimi just sat in the corner everyday, although he never caused any problems, he did his work on time, never talked too much, all in all he was a good student. One day when Jimi got off the bus he saw his mom run in her car and speed off; Jimi had no idea what was going on. He went to his room started saying his spelling words to hiself. "quick, quiet..." Then he hears the sound of breaking glass, he walks into the kitchen to see Dan laying in a pool of blood surrounded by glass, but Jimi notices what is in his hand; Dan has a 40 oz. of Jack Daniels that has about a shot left. Jimi remembers what happened with his dad and runs back into his room and turns on his Nintendo. Dan owned an old record player so he put on Ted Nugent's 'Cat Scratch Fever', that used to be his dad's favourite song. Jimi just sat there, like always, he was playing Super Mario Brothers on the last stage trying to beat Bowser when in walks Dan with Band-Aids all over him. "Hey, what are you playing?"
"Mario," Jimi says cautiously.
"I used to play that game when I was a teenager."
"This is the new one I guess," Jimi was afraid of what Dan might do.
"Where is that bitch mother of yours?"
"I don't know when I got off the bus she was leaving."
"I see..."
"Why did you fall in that glass?"
"Its none of your business."
"Oh okay."
"Well I'm going to let you play your game."
"Okay, bye." Dan exits the room and Jimi turns off the lights and goes to sleep.
When Jimi wakes up Dan is gone but his mom is home. "Mommy, where is Dan?"
"He left when I got home."
"Oh. Is he okay?"
"I don't know, I think he got arrested for drinking and driving."
"Oh. I have show and tell today."
"Thats nice what are you going to take?"
"I was going to take my Ninja Turtle toy to school, but everyone makes fun of me for it."
"Don't worry about them. Just go to school and everything will be fine I promise." Jimi always believed his mom, and usually she was right but this time she was wrong and in a big way.
Jimi decided to take his Ninja Turtle to school, but the class bully beat him up after school. Jimi missed the bus and had to walk home. Jimi gets home and finds his mom on the couch motionless. "Mommy?" No answer. "Mommy? Mommy? MOMMY?!?!?!" His mom starts to stir and see that its Jimi she puts a pill bottle in her jacket pocket and asks how Jimi's day was. Jimi then does the usuall study spelling words, play Nintendo, and eat. Jimi finally beats Mario and is really excited to tell his mom, but when he walks out there Dan is back and they are arguing again. Jimi finally gets in the middle and says to stop. His mom looks at him in shock and Dan looks at him in anger. Dan kicks Jimi and his mom out. After years moving here and there Jimi and his mother finally find a place; now Jimi is sixteen and providing for him and his mother.
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Chapter 2: Tragedy?

Jimi's mom had been hiding a secret for ten years from Jimi, and now that he was old enough she decided to tell Jimi. "Jimi, I have something to tell you."
"Okay mom?"
"I'm addicted to..."
"Addicted to what?" "Xanax."
"MOM! That can kill you. You need to get a fucking job and support yourself this is bullshit."
"I know but I can't."
"Why the fuck can't you?"
"I just can't."
"I'd probably be better off living with dad wherever he is right now." That comment crushed his mother and she went into her room and Jimi went to work. When Jimi got off he went home and went into his room and just blared Nirvana to piss his mom off; Jimi fell asleep right after hearing, "With the lights out its less dangerous!"
When Jimi woke up his mother had died of a Xanax overdose. Jimi felt a little bad but didn't really care. He called the funeral home and had her buried, neither him or his mom had any friends, so there was no sense in having a showing or a funeral process. Jimi moved out of his two bedroom apartment and got himself a one bedroom apartment. Jimi struggled through school; his grades dropped and more and more people picked on him each day. One day in Jimi's lunch when he was sitting by himself a girl came over and sat next to him. "Hi."
"Mmm." Jimi wasn't much of a talker.
"My name is Liz."
"Yeah."
"Are you shy?"
"No."
"You sure don't talk much."
"I don't like to talk to people because all people suck."
"Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet."
"There is no such thing as 'the right person', so if you don't mind could you leave me alone."
"Yeah okay." Liz walked away and then all of the jocks jump Jimi and take him to the bathroom and beat the shit out of him. On the way out they lock the door so no one can go into that bathroom, and Jimi can't move. Two periods go by and Jimi makes his way to his English class with dried blood in his hair and all over his face. He takes his seat in the corner of the room and puts his head down and just starts to cry. No one even cares, or notices. Jimi is just fed up with everyone's shit at his school, he hates everyone and everything in his life. Jimi gets a flyer about a gun and knife show coming to his town, this allows Jimi the perfect opportunity to make his own weapons for his master plan.
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Chapter 3: The Plan and The Execution

Jimi attends the gun and knife show and buys parts to make a M4A1 assualt rifle, and he purchases a couple knifes. He goes to his local hardware store and picks up the ingredients to make about three pipe bombs. Jimi goes home and instantly starts putting his gun together and mixing the ingredients for the bombs. The next day at school he walks into three different bathrooms and puts the bombs in the ventalation shaft. He manages to fit his rifle into his backpack, he made it so the stock is removeable. So lunch comes around and Liz trys to talk tp Jimi again this time Jimi just doesn't say anything. Jimi puts on his headphones and listens to Marilyn Manson's 'Portrait of an American Family'. Liz gets up and tells her friends that Jimi threatend to kill her, and they get their boyfriends to walk to Jimi's table. "Hey man if you're going to threaten to kill someone, threaten me."
"NEXT MOTHERFUCKERS GONNA GET MY METAL!!!!"
"Look you piece of shit I said threaten me." Jimi can't hear over his headphones. Tom, the jocky boyfriend, rips the headphones off of Jimi's head. "You motherfucker want to threaten my girlfriend, fucking threaten me."
"I didn't threaten anyone, and I don't have to you are already scared of me." Jimi says with smirk.
"Bullshit." Tom scoffs.
"Well you should be." Jimi says as he slowly pulls out his knife. He takes a quick movement and Tom is on the ground with a knife in his neck. Jimi then slowly pulls out his rifle and just starts pumping round after round in every student he lays his eyes on. Most everyone in the cafeteria is either dead or severely wounded. He moves on to classrooms just randomly spraying shots and hitting innocent students. He does this on all three floors of his high school while screaming Manson lyrics. He has one single clip left and all the principles are barricaded in a room. Jimi locates the room and just starts kicking the shit out of the door; it finally caves in he stabs two of the four principles and shoots one in the head. The surviving principle has pissed his pants and is shaking and praying. "Why do you pray?" Jimi asks.
"Because when you kill me I want to be sure all my sins are gone." the shaking principle replies.
"God isn't real, you will find out soon enough." The principle closes his eyes and waits for it. But instead Jimi kicks him right in the throat.
In the distance you hear, "We have forces entering the building give up now kid, it isn't worth it." Jimi peeks down the hallway and sees four cops approaching at a steady pace. Jimi leans around the corner and shoots two in the leg, the other two take cover and Jimi finishes off the wounded two. He has 25 shots left. He takes another peek but this time the cop on the left fires and barely misses Jimi. Jimi sticks his gun around the corner and just sprays; he hit them both one in the stomach the other in the right arm. He runs over and grabs their MP5s and shoots them both. He takes the Desert Eagle from the two cops he killed previously. The petrified principle regains his voice. "Why are you doing this?" He asks in a hoarse voice.
"Because life is shit and so is everyone invovled with it." Jimi explains.
"Son we have two units on their way so throw down your weapons and surrender," Jimi hears the Chief of police say. Jimi pistol whips the principle and runs out into the corridor. There are four cops on each side of him he stretches his arms out with MP5s and just unloads an entire clip he kills seven of the eight cops; the one left alive is crouched behind a statue, Jimi jumps behind a wall. He turns around the corner and the cop shoots him in the left arm, Jimi grabs the Desert Eagle with his right arm and plants one right in between his eyes. Jimi runs back to where the principle is knocked out; Jimi wakes up the principle and puts him in front of him and walks outside. "If you want this innocent man to live you will not shoot." Jimi says as he has no idea what to do next. He sees a cop aiming for his head and quickly gets rid of him and plants one directly in his chest. Jimi realises that there is no way he is going to be able to kill this squad. Jimi slits the principle's throat and grabs his MP5 and drops and shoots, he takes out three cops and gets shot in the leg twice. He quickly grabs both the Desert Eagles and take out three more cops, not without consequence though, Jimi has now been shot in the right leg twice, the left arm twice and now the right arm once. He grabs his M4A1 and shoots a squad car making it explode, which reminds him of the bombs, he take out the detonator and presses the button the school explodes on all three levels, any survivors are now dead. He uses all of his rounds up from his M4A1 and manages to spit out "I SURRENDER," Jimi has came up with the perfect way to go out. The Chief of police walks over to put Jimi in cuffs. Jimi grabs his gun and puts his head next to the Chief's head and shoots through both his head and the Chiefs head.
Jimi will always be remembered by the kids who constantly get picked on, who get hated against, and who know this life is bullshit.
-FIN-
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I like this one better than the other one. Lemme know what you think.

Peace,
Bry Guy

5:50pm: Stole this shit from Trav
age = 16
height = 5'10"
shoe size = 9
hair color = black red and shaven
siblings = 1 sister

LAST...

movie you rented = Secret Window
movie you bought = Family Guy
cd you bought = Green Day - "American Idiot"
person you've called = My mom
person that's called you = My mom
person you've beat up = Lj Dale and Davy
tv show you've watched = Whose Line Is It Anyway?
person you were thinking of = Vanessa

DO...

you have a crush on someone? = Nope
you wish you could live somewhere else = Yep
you and your parents get along? = Me and my mom do, me and my dad don't quite see eye to eye
you think about suicide = Used to
you want more piercings = Uh-huh
you like cleaning = Nope.
you like roller coasters = Yeah
you write in cursive or print = Print cursive is for pansies!


FOR OR AGAINST...

long distance relationships? For
suicide = For
killing people = Against
driving drunk = Against.
gay/lesbian relationships = FOR ALL THE WAY
soap operas = Against


HAVE YOU...

ever cried over a girl = Yeah
ever cried over a boy = Not in my recent memory
ever been shipped away because you caused trouble = Nope
ever been cheated on = They deny it but I know they did
ever been suspended = Nope.
ever lied to someone = Yeah
ever been slapped = Can't think of a time
ever been arrested = Nope, never get caught

WHAT...

shampoo do you use = My mom's
conditioner do you use = ^
shoes do you wear = Chucks
are you scared of = The monster under my bed and the dark

FAVOURITE...

5 letter word: Nigga
actor/actress: Too many to name
Cartoon: Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and Futurama
Cereal: Frosted Flakes, Corn POPS, Fruity Pepples, Fruit Loops, Lucky Charms, Boo Berry, Resse Puffs the list goes on and on
Chewing gum: Any kind
Color(s): black red and silver

Day of week: friday saturday or any day I get off or a half day in school
Least favorite day of week: all the other days
Flower: White Rose
Jello flavor: Grape
Special skills/talents: I can spin a guitar all the way around me
Summer/Winter: Fall
Trampolines or swimming pools: Pools

PERSON WHO LAST...

Slept in your bed: Me
Saw you cry: My mom
Made you cry: Danielle
You went to the movies with: Chris
Yelled at you: My mom
Sent you an email: Taking Back Sunday

HAVE YOU EVER...

Said "I love you" and meant it?: All the time
Ran away: Thought about it but no
Been chased by the cops: Not technically
Gone out in public in your pajamas: All the time
Kept a secret from everyone: You bet
Cried during a movie: Yep
Planned your week based on the TV Guide: Nein
Been on stage: Yeah
Been to California: No
New York: nope.
Hawaii: No
Italy? No
Paris? no
London? no
Africa? Nope
China? Nope
Russia? Nope


FRIENDSHIP/LOVE...

Do you believe in love at first sight?: Nope, you have to know the person
Do you want children one day, if so, how many?: I want 2, boy and a girl
Most important thing to you in a friendship is: Trust
Worst feeling in the world: Broken heart
Who do you love: My friends


YOUR...

Nickname(s): Bry Guy
How old do you look?: 17
How old do you act?: 17
Glasses/Contacts: Nein
Braces: Nope
Do you have any pets?: Nein
You get embarrassed: Don't think so.
What makes you happy?: Listening to screamy music and laying with Vanessa in her bed

FINISH THE SENTENCE...

I Love to......love
I Miss......Vanessa
I Wish... I had more piercings
I Hoped..... i can be who i want to be.
I'm Annoyed by.......people who critisize me without knowing me.
I Want to Be.......able to play guitar
I Would Never......kill you
I Am Tired of... not being able to sleep
I Will Always be.......myself